Founding Fathers

-With the help of scientists, George Washington arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest functioning computer and watches Internet porn.

-With the help of scientists, John Adams arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest functioning computer and watches Internet porn, nodding at Washington at the next computer.

-With the help of scientists, Thomas Jefferson arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest computer and watches Internet porn. The scientists approach Jefferson and ask if he can help restore our great nation. “For sure, one sec,” Jefferson says, not really looking up. The scientists wait but Jefferson never moves.

-With the help of scientists, Alexander Hamilton arrives in 2012. “Let’s get to work restoring this great nation,” he says. The scientists thank Hamilton for not wanting to watch Internet porn. “Oh shoot, that,” Hamilton says and finds the nearest computer and watches Internet porn.

-With the help of scientists who have hidden all the remaining computers in the White House, James Madison arrives in 2012. He goes for a walk in the Rose Garden to mentally prepare a speech. Six hours later the scientists find Madison naked in the broom closet watching Internet porn on seven different computers. The scientists resolve to find a better hiding space next time.

-With the help of scientists, Benjamin Franklin arrives in 2012, already watching Internet porn on a crude laptop he invented.

-With the help of scientists, Martha Washington arrives in 2012. The scientists ask if she can get her husband to stop watching Internet porn “just for like a day.” She approaches her husband. “Wow,” she says, “that’s, uh, some hardcore stuff you’re watching.” Her eyes glaze over and she points to the screen. “Click that one.”

-With the help of Martha Washington, the entire Continental Congress arrives in 2012 and watches Internet porn.