Burger Fist

I work as a tutor for my local college. About a month or so after I first started the job, I got an appointment with a student who comes walking into the session like a total klutz and talking about how "the Mayans were right." He was clearly hammered, and it was like noon on a Wednesday. So, as per tutor policy when something like this happens, I terminated the session and... Read More » took him to another building where other people would deal with him. On the way there as he was spitting out more nonsense, he mentioned he was also on LSD. Now I couldn't image how this guy was even alive, nor how much more trouble he could be in. Then he starts to cough blood. I ask if he's OK, but he says he's fine and that it's probably not his blood anyway, saying because he's a cannibal on the weekends (again, Wednesday). At this point I'm about to shit my pants, so we hurry over to the other building. After we get inside a lady looks at this guy and says, "You!" to which he bolts out the door. The lady tells me to try and catch him while she calls campus police. I never did. I later learned that this guy was a part-time student who occasionally pulls this stunt on new tutors, which is heavily frowned upon. I don't know if they ever caught him, but damn was he a good actor.