Do you love cats? Great. Do you hate cats? Also great. Now we'll tell you why you should give us your money.

Peter Pan was the leader of the Lost Boys, because he always had the pixie dust that could get everyone really, really high. Flying, of course.

Sometimes a reindeer will hit and kill an animal by accident; there is nothing they can do about it.

There are just some Muppets that you wouldn't want to hang out with. For obvious reasons.

Are you a man who has always wanted to tell the world about himself on the booty of tiny shorts? Well now, you can.

America's favorite novelty gift store family is having some problems.

A heartwarming story about friendship, growing up, dead people, and other stupid shit like that. Based upon the novella by Stephen King.

Goody Parsons bakes a cake sweeter than Goody Hencock's cake with only one trifle of sugar. How can Goody Parsons do this? The answer is simple; she's a witch.

Sources say that Goody Parsons was seen dancing with Tituba and the other village girls in praise of the dark Lord. Is Goodie Parsons a witch? We report, you decide.

Break out your leggings and shoulder pads. It's 1983, and we're ready to party. US Invades Greneda. Challenger Maiden Voyage. Sixers Sweep The Series.

If your only child were kidnapped, how much would you pay to get him back? Fifty-thousand? Ninety-thousand? I bet you would pay even more than that...

I don't want my child to die. But God forbid, if it did, I would want to bury it in something that says "baby!"

You spend your whole life raising them...

See The Glass Menagerie performed by a lively cast of dead prostitutes. Critics called it "riveting" and "nauseating."

From Secret Pants

You'll make fucking millions, I swear!

Wii gets a little southern charm.

Remarkably, this still makes more sense than normal Mentos commercials.

They're lucky it couldn't get any speed.

Secret Pants hit the streets to find out how much ordinary people know about our nation's greatest patriot, Batman.