Chatting with my girlfriend I was expressing my worries for an upcomming exam. She replied with "don't worry about the grade, it won't matter when you're a 'stay-at-home-husband'." She's a keeper.
Pill popping mom
I used to date a girl in high school that was batshit crazy. I kept with it for a while mainly because she was the girl that threw all the big parties. Her mom was equally crazy and always wanted to party with us after she would take a handful of pills. One night, I was getting a beej in my car from my gf while the party was going on and her mom came out looking for us. She had taken a bunch of Xanax and was way out of it. She came right up and opened the door to find me butt naked with my junk in her daughters mouth. Since I had no pants on, my first instinct was to "tuck it" (thinking that would hide everything going on). So I tucked, and her mom just started talking as if nothing was weird or wrong with the situation. She even kneeled down to be more at eye level and as she was talking, my still erect, penis popped out fomr between my legs and was no more than 6 inches from her face.... she never noticed and didn't remember anything about that incident.
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Rough Love
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Apples don't have feelings.
I was doing a little food shopping with my girlfriend (ex-girlfriend). In the produce section, she noticed a red apple in the green apple section. She took the red apple and placed it with other red apples. She then said to me "The red apple was sad, it needs to be with its friends". In retort to her sophomoric logic, I took the same apple, ate it, and said, "There, now the... Read More »
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Raspberry love
The other night I was sitting on the couch cuddling with my boyfriend. Feeling sentimental, I kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him. In response, he said "I love you too, babe. Want to hear a really cool fart sound?!" and proceeded to blow raspberries on his hands. He was right, it was a really good fart sound.
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And maybe for my next wish...
So I did post a part of this story before, forgive me, but I thought you deserved the whole thing. My boyfriend and I were on his couch making out the other day, after casually turning on the television, not paying much attention to what was on. A few seconds later, we realized star wars was playing. Me, not thinking anything of it, continued making out with him. I then... Read More »
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Sounds like a great time
I wish my gf was as cool as the girls that post on here. Instead, she doesn't find any of this funny. FML.
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This is so goddamn romantic we might cry.
About a year and a half ago, I gave a drunken hand-job to my roommate's brother. Afterwards, we laid in my bed and discussed how we both loved Collegehumor and some of the recent articles.
