Jokes

Do you have what it takes to do standup? Of course not, so post your jokes here instead.

Jokes
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Enough with the chemistry jokes

All these chemistry jokes are getting old. I think it's time to barium.

#1
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Lip reader

Did you hear the one about the blind gynecologist? He reads lips.

#2
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Music

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to here it, how many hipsters will buy the album?

#3
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Sacrifice

I'm giving up jokes about Asian basketball players for Lint.

#4
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None Left.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

#5
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Valentines Day Sucks

What's six inches long and didn't get sucked on Valentines Day? If you answered "My penis", you're right. You are also correct if you answered " Whitney Houston's crack pipe."

#6
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Exercise

Chasing the American Dream does not count as exercise.

#7
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Sock it to me.

What did the foot say to the sock? Are you coming on to me?

#8
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A butchered joke

BUTCHER: Doctor, I've had a terrible accident! I backed into my meat grinder! DOCTOR: Did you get a little behind in your work?

#9
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I used to be bulimic

I'm just really glad I got it out of my system.

#10
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Potassium

You want me to tell a Potassium joke? K.

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Beer CEO Joke

The CEOs of Budweiser, Guinness, Coors, and Miller all walk into a bar after a beer-tasting contest. The CEO of Budweiser steps up to the bar and says: "I'll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers!" The Coors CEO says: "I'll have a Coors, the beer as cool as the Rockies!" The Miller CEO says, in turn: "I'll have the good ol' taste of a triple-hops... Read More » brewed Miller!" The CEO of Guinness ponders for a moment and says to the bartender: "Oh, I'll just have a Coke." Bewildered, the other 3 CEOs stare and ask why he didn't order a beer. The Guinness CEO shrugged and said "Well, if you weren't ordering beer, I didn't think I would either".

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Fishing

A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a funeral procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."

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Divorce

Statisticians have revealed that the number 1 cause for divorce is marriage.

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Threesome

I almost had a threesome on valentines day. I just needed two more people

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Blind Joke

How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard.

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a riddle

Q: What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets? A: Women

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Not so Nazi like after all

Hitler gets a pretty bad reputation for killing jews and all, but you at least have to give him credit for killing Hitler

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Handsome

If a twosome is sex with two people, and a threesome is sex with three people, then now I know why I keep getting called handsome

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Sex Joke

If you make a joke while having sex is it considered an inside joke?

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