So my girlfriend of about 6 months told me last night that when she gets mad or upset with me she just wants to jerk me off. The fact she can grab onto it as hard as she wants and idk just go at it makes her feel better. Win for me!!
Abstinence
I have been fooling around with this guy for about 5 months and I wondered why we never got beyond kissing and light petting. I recently found out the reason. He thinks I don't want to have sex and is happy about it. On the other hand he would like to sleep with me but is afraid I'll fall in love with him. Sometime I think he's the girl.
#2
There is an app for that
So my girlfriend has got into the habit of giving me oral whenever I get a important phone call in. She thinks it funny as I try to keep a solid tone of voice. Little does she know there is a fake call application that shows name of caller and everything and you can even schedule a time for it to call. Needless to say I have been having fake conversations with a app and get... Read More »
#3
Expensive Engagement
A buddy of mine took his girlfriend to New York City with the intention of proposing. He took her to a fancy dinner, and then they walked along the Brooklyn Bridge, where he showed her a $5500 ring and asked her to marry her. She said yes, and as he took the ring out of the box to put it on her finger, he dropped it into the water below. He ended up buying the same ring to... Read More »
#5
Friendzone strikes back
I admit it. I got friend zoned by this girl I had a crush on. I realized this when she asked me to hang out with her and some guys she knew. They were all drinking vodka and smoking pot, and I was utterly bored. After they were really high, she asked me if I could tell them I was gay, because she wanted to hook up with one of them but he wouldn't believe we weren't dating.... Read More »
#6
Cool Girlfriend
My girlfriend always let me know if she had an orgasm by giving me a high-five and saying "good job", right after I finish. And if it's a really good one... she quotes 'Big Trouble in Little China' by saying "We really shook the pillars of heaven, huh Wang!".
#8
Sex and RPGs
Sometimes, when I give my boyfriend head but fail to finish him, I stop out of frustration. He refers to it as "rage quitting."
#9
All backwards
My friend lost his virginity to me before having ever kissed a girl, and he still hasn't had his first kiss.
#10
Finally!
So my boyfriend and I had been searching for a place to have sex for AGES and we just couldn't think of anywhere even though everyone around us was always doing it. After several months we had almost gave up, then one day I was at his house and his step-dad says "Okay, so I'm going to go get the car washed. Then I will go get your Mother, YOU GUYS HAVE FOUR HOURS ALL... Read More »
Crazy Ex
I was dating a girl in my freshman year, and like all people you meet as a freshman, you don't really know them that well. After about a month of dating I realised I had to break it off, we just weren't working out. So I went into her room, and as soon as I step in through the door, she starts taking my clothes off, and we end up doing it. After we're done, I get up and... Read More »
Esteemed Boobies
I named my girlfriend's boobs Dr. Fernando Shortcream and Lord Reginald J. Highbottom. I've even made up back stories for each name. And after we're done having sex I usually press them together and make a kissing noise. They're gay lovers you see.
Sleepy Sex
I was with my girlfriend one late afternoon, probably around 8pm. I had a very long exhausting day so I decided I would try to take a nap. Sure enough my girlfriend started rubbing my thighs and kissing my neck. I politely told her I was too tired for sex and that I would prefer to nap. She whined and wouldn't leave me alone as I kept my eyes closed and clothes on.... Read More »
Bad Date
When I was a Junior in high school, my friend set me up on a blind date with her boyfriend's older brother's friend. I couldn't help but notice that he was slightly older, but I chose to look past it for the sake of having a good time. It was NOT a good time! All night ended up me pushing away from his desperate, "Not as sneaky as he would like to think" attempts... Read More »
Ex gf's sister
The other night I was at a party at my ex's. She invited her sister from Chicago to come down and party. A few hours later I was outside in the parking lot on the phone and my ex's sister came out and jumped on me and we started kissing. I threw her on the hood of my car and we had sex. When we finished there was a crowd of people standing on the other side of the parking... Read More »
GI D'oh
I was in the army for a couple years and was seeing this girl who really loved the movie Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist, which I hadn't seen. One night we were going at it and while she was riding me she shouts, "Who do you belong to?" a quote from the movie evidently. Confused I responded, "Uncle Sam?"
Pill popping mom
I used to date a girl in high school that was batshit crazy. I kept with it for a while mainly because she was the girl that threw all the big parties. Her mom was equally crazy and always wanted to party with us after she would take a handful of pills. One night, I was getting a beej in my car from my gf while the party was going on and her mom came out looking for us. She... Read More »
Virgin
When I started dating my boyfriend, he was a virgin in every sense of the word. He had never even held hands with a girl. When we were making out for the first time, I licked his lower lip. His whole body trembled and he muttered "Oh dear god." It was so funny that I had to stop completely because I was laughing so hard. We're on month eight now.
ignorance
My (ex) bf and I dated for a while but I was a shy virgin and didn't know anything about sex and also didn't really have the guts to question anything during the act. So when he put it in for anal, I just went along with it, assuming that he knew what he was doing. 6 months later, he told me he had never had anal... he didn't believe me when I told him he'd been having anal... Read More »
