Very Mary-Kate: Jewish Looking Girl

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She's a rock star of David.

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Very Mary-Kate: Jewish Looking Girl
By
Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
          INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

          The end of class.  MARY-KATE approaches LIMOR as she packs
          up her things.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Jewish-looking girl?

                              LIMOR
                    Human holocaust?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Mary-Kate.  That's okay.  WE
                    haven't MET met.  Like met for
                    lunch at the Met.

          A beat.

                              LIMOR
                    Anyway, bye.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Wait, I got your Facebook invite! 
                    I'm inny like like a good
                    bellybutton!

                              LIMOR
                    Uh... I just sent that to everyone.

                              MARY-KATE
                    So everyone's going to be there? 
                    Because Elijah Wood and I are in a
                    fight about how much he sucks.  I
                    say he sucks, he disagrees.

                              LIMOR
                    Yeah, Elijah Wood isn't coming.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Then I'll be there!  How much are
                    seats?

                              LIMOR
                    It's free.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Like a public benefit for the City
                    of New York?

                              LIMOR
                    Yeah, like that.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Should I bring money anyway?  Is
                    there merch?

                              LIMOR
                    There's a two-drink minimum.

                              MARY-KATE
                    No worries.  Is there a maximum? 
                    Because, in that case, worries.

                              LIMOR
                    There's no maximum.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Can I get a +1?  In case Elijah
                    Wood stops sucking?

                              LIMOR
                    I...

                              MARY-KATE
                    Can I get a VIP pass?  VVIP?  How
                    deep do the Vs go?  How deep can my
                    V-neck be?  Is there a dress code? 
                    Is there a code to the VIP room? 
                    Can I get a VIP pass?

                              LIMOR
                    Look, I'm not going to fuck with
                    you, okay?  This isn't some big
                    concert.  This is me and my friends
                    rocking out in the basement of a
                    bar, making the earth quiver.  Are
                    you into that shit?

          Mary-Kate looks shocked, but slowly but surely raises up her
          hand, which is making a rock symbol.

                              LIMOR
                    Fine.  The Petri Dish.  Midnight.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Oooh, I'm tired at midnight.  Is
                    there a matinee?

          Limor shoots her a look.

                              MARY-KATE
                    I mean... is there MDMA?

                              LIMOR
                    You do drugs?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Uh... Is the sky purple right now?

                              LIMOR
                    The sky is black to me.  The sky is
                    always black to me.

                              MARY-KATE
                         (laughing nervously)
                    Like your lipstick.

                              LIMOR
                    Yeah, black is my thing.

                              MARY-KATE
                    You Jews and your blacks.  Sorry,
                    sorry.  You Jewish people and your
                    African-Americans.

                              LIMOR
                    I'm not Jewish.

                              MARY-KATE
                    What?!  You just rocked my world.

                              LIMOR
                    Wait til tonight.

          End.
cast
Mary-Kate Elaine Carroll
Jewish-Looking Girl Limor Hakim
crew
Director Sam Reich
Producer Sam Marine
Editor Sam Reich
President of Original Content Sam Reich
Executive Producer Spencer Griffin
Director of Post Production Michael Schaubach
Production Manager Sam Sparks
Post Production Producer Lacy Wittman
Sound Mixer Harris Karlin
Visual Effects Gloo Studios
Assistant Editor Phil Fox
Post Production Coordinator Amanda Madden
Production Accountant Christine Rodriguez
Assistant Production Accountant Daniel Siegel
Erin Marshall
Production Assistant Andy Archer
Driver PA Jeff Rosenberg
Assistant Camera Sam Thonis