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It's no match for his wooden personality.
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Very Mary-Kate: Pillow Talk
Mary-Kate and Bodyguard may have effed up and effed.
Very Mary-Kate: Layers
By
Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
MARY-KATE and BODYGUARD are in the kitchen. Mary-Kate wears
so many layers that she's a dome. Bodyguard gets off the
phone.
BODYGUARD
The repairman will be here any
minute.
MARY-KATE
Oh, the h-h-heat's broken? I
didn't n-n-notice.
BODYGUARD
Nice outfit.
MARY-KATE
You like it? I thought this hat
went well with my everything.
BODYGUARD
I don't think you thought this
through. What if you have to go to
the bathroom?
MARY-KATE
Oh no.
BODYGUARD
What?
MARY-KATE
The thing you just said. It's now
the case.
BODYGUARD
The case?
MARY-KATE
The case. It's the case. I have a
case of the bathrooms. It's the
case of the missing pee, and it's
about to be solved.
BODYGUARD
Oh no. Okay. Here.
He takes off her outer layer.
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's linen! It need to
be hung up or it'll wrinkle!
Wrinkle rhymes with tinkle, hurry!
BODYGUARD
Okay!
He takes off the next layer.
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's black! You can't
just put it on the floor, it'll get
covered in cat fur!
BODYGUARD
Fine!
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's cat fur!
BODYGUARD
Then why did-
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's frog skin! It
needs to be put in water! Water,
pee, faster!
BODYGUARD
Really?
MARY-KATE
Careful, that one has big pockets!
BODYGUARD
So what?
MARY-KATE
So there might be stuff in them!
BODYGUARD
What's this?
MARY-KATE
That's a pocket warmer! Careful,
that needs to be kept in pockets!
BODYGUARD
I just-
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's foam! It needs to
be put on a me mannequin or it'll
lose its shape!
BODYGUARD
A you mannequin?
MARY-KATE
Or Ashley! Or an Ashley
mannequin! Mannequin, Monterey,
ocean, pee, faster!
BODYGUARD
Okay!
MARY-KATE
Take the frog skin out!
BODYGUARD
Why?!
MARY-KATE
It needs to be on land half the
time. It's amphibian.
BODYGUARD
God!
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's an invisibility
cloak!
BODYGUARD
It's not invisible!
MARY-KATE
You ruined it!
BODYGUARD
How?!
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's 100% chauvinist!
It needs to be man-washed or
guy-cleaned.
BODYGUARD
What?!
MARY-KATE
Careful, that's the parka of Dorian
Gray. If it rips, I'll get old and
die!
BODYGUARD
Aah!
MARY-KATE
Careful with that!
BODYGUARD
Why?!
MARY-KATE
It's covered in pee.
Beat.
BODYGUARD
When did you pee?
MARY-KATE
A while ago. I forgot what we were
doing.
Bodyguard sighs.
MARY-KATE
It's brrrr in here. Can I borrow
your blazer?
BODYGUARD
(handing it to her)
Careful with that.
MARY-KATE
No.
END.
| cast | |
| Mary-Kate | Elaine Carroll |
| Bodyguard | Luke Sholl |
| crew | |
| Director | Sam Reich |
| Producer | Sam Marine |
| Editor | Sam Reich |
| President of Original Content | Sam Reich |
| Executive Producer | Spencer Griffin |
| Director of Post Production | Michael Schaubach |
| Production Manager | Sam Sparks |
| Assistant Production Manager | Jeremy Reitz |
| Post Production Producer | Lacy Wittman |
| Art Director | Sarah Scheld |
| Hair and Makeup | Hana El-Assad |
| Sound Mixer | Kurt Seery |
| Visual Effects | Gloo Studios |
| Assistant Editor | Phil Fox |
| Post Production Coordinator | Amanda Madden |
| Production Accountant | Christine Rodriguez |
| Assistant Production Accountant | Daniel Siegel |
| Erin Marshall | |
| Driver PA | Kevin Etherson |
| Assistant Camera | Sam Thonis |
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