Often, my parents text me while I'm in class. One day, we were doing a dissection lab and I had to text my dad 'I'm busy atm'. My dad came home later that day and, very angry, told me 'I'm NOT an ATM, I'm your father.' I had to explain to him that atm was shorthand for at the moment around three times to for him to get it.
If she sung any louder, Jesus would be too scared to come out of the womb.
Staying In Anthem
LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem" gets a musical makeover for those of us who neither party, nor rock.
Jake and Amir: Club
Lines are signs of sublime times.
Big Dick Birth Defect
The news every father dreads hearing... without his friends around to also hear it.
The Adventures of Kim Jong Un
A leaked North Korean cartoon presenting the totally true triumphs of the totally not pudgy Great Leader.
Jake and Amir: Waitress
The customer's always wrong.
Jake and Amir: Thoughts
Don't flush your dreams away.



Little known literature fact: Dr. Frankenstein was only trying to DRAW a monster that would terrorize villagers.
It's like people on the Internet have never seen a boob before. Come to think of it, many of them haven't.
"I guess these are cool. If you like that kind of thing. Whatever. " - Porsche owner, moments before bursting into tears.
Anyone who DOESN'T want to live in the Hobbit houses is crazier than Denethor.
My all-dental dam band will never be this good.
All these Twitter accounts are run by Odie.
You will be more frightened while watching this video than anyone in it.
Good luck, detention monitor.
When is the holiday to memorialize stupid people lighting themselves on fire?